Post by Jonathan Smith on Mar 15, 2005 12:03:19 GMT
Stupid but makes you smile.......
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
>1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
>2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
>3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
>4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
>5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
>6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
>7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
>9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
>10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
>1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
>2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
>3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
>4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
>5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
>6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
>
>GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
>1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
>2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
>3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
>4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got
>from a roller coaster.
>5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
>6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
>7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
>THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
>2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
>3) You are Santa Claus.
>4) You look like Santa Claus.
>SUCCESS:
>At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
>At age 12 success is . having friends.
>At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 35 success is . having money.
>At age 50 success is . . . having money.
>At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 75 success is . having friends.
>At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.
>
>Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
>Take the time to live!!!
>Life is too short
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
>1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
>2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
>3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
>4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
>5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
>6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
>7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
>9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
>10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
>1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
>2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
>3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
>4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
>5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
>6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
>
>GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
>1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
>2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
>3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
>4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got
>from a roller coaster.
>5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
>6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
>7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
>THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
>2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
>3) You are Santa Claus.
>4) You look like Santa Claus.
>SUCCESS:
>At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
>At age 12 success is . having friends.
>At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 35 success is . having money.
>At age 50 success is . . . having money.
>At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 75 success is . having friends.
>At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.
>
>Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
>Take the time to live!!!
>Life is too short
